HADDONFIELD, NJ — Preliminary trick-or-treating reports indicated a house on Wedgewood Lane was planning to put out a bucket full of books by C.S. Lewis for children this year, instantly making it the most popular house in the neighborhood.
Local kids were reportedly planning to hit this particular house first on Halloween, where the bucket of Lewis' works would be displayed next to a sign reading "Please Take One," to make sure they had a chance to snatch up one of the books before they were gone.
"I hope I can get The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe!" said Tom Shnelling, an 11-year-old boy who wants to be a theologian when he grows up. "But I don't think I'm old enough yet for The Space Trilogy."
The home's owner, John Turtlebuck, and his wife, Catherine, expressed their surprise at their house's newfound popularity. "Honestly, I just didn't want to answer the door every five seconds, so I'm going to put out a bucket of old books that are way better than candy. Nobody needs a 3 Musketeers bar when you can take a bite out of Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Mentally, of course. Nobody should actually bite a book."
Whatever the reason behind the book giveaway, neighborhood kids were ecstatic to learn that a set of Lewis books would be available this Halloween, and their parents were happy, too. "C.S. Lewis is candy for the mind," one mother said. "And nobody ever blamed Lewis for causing cavities. At least not to my knowledge."
At publishing time, rumors circulated that children were prepared to egg the Turtlebuck house if the only C.S. Lewis book available was That Hideous Strength.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
