U.S. — In a desperate, last-ditch attempt to keep Donald Trump from winning the election, Democrats have announced they are switching out Kamala Harris for a wheel of cheese with a sign reading "Not Trump."
Party officials reportedly held emergency closed-door meetings following Harris's widely panned interview with Bret Baier of Fox News this week, instead opting to utilize a rarely used loophole in election laws to install a block of cheese as the party's candidate.
"We feel the cheese is far more likable and, honestly, more intelligent," said one high-ranking Democrat who asked to remain anonymous. "We tried to give it a go with Kamala, but we're getting down to crunch time here. We didn't have many options left, so we all reluctantly agreed that it was better to go with the wheel of cheese. If nothing else, the cheese doesn't have that incessant cackle."
Media pundits said the late switch might turn the race upside down. "The cheese makes a strong point," said MSNBC's Rachel Maddow. "It's very up-front with its position that it is not Donald Trump, which is the most important issue and something millions of Americans can get behind. We're used to supporting politicians who can't answer questions, so the fact that the wheel of cheese is an inanimate object isn't that much of a departure. I'll be voting for the wheel of cheese in November."
At publishing time, Donald Trump dismissed the wheel of cheese as any threat to his chances of winning the election, telling the media that he has been, and always would be, the big cheese.
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