NEW YORK, NY — Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson issued a dire warning in response to Mattel's new Down Syndrome Barbie, saying it might cause young, impressionable girls to think that all human life has value.

"Here at Planned Parenthood, we proudly kill almost 90% of Down Syndrome babies before they have the chance to pollute the world with their inferior genetics," said Johnson. "Our eugenics program could be in jeopardy if kids start to see Down Syndrome kids as precious gifts worthy of love. We can't allow that to happen."

"We're calling on Mattel to pull this harmful product from store shelves immediately."

Sources say the dolls have been a hit, with thousands flying off the shelves in the days after release. Progressives, feminists, and Planned Parenthood executives have petitioned the toy company to halt sales to prevent further damage to their worldview and bottom line.

At publishing time, Planned Parenthood had offered to buy up the dolls and dispose of them for a small fee.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.