SHREVEPORT, LA — A local man found himself in a jam when his toilet failed to flush yesterday morning. Rather than call a professional plumber to fix the issue, the man called upon the entire backlog of plumbing knowledge he has accumulated during his life: jiggling the toilet handle.
"This should clear it up!" Caleb Effenbach said confidently after lightly wiggling the flush lever for a few seconds and placing his hands on his hips while nodding his head. "As a man, you just have to know how to deal with these things."
When the issue persisted despite Effenbach's foolproof solution, he was stumped. "Funny, that usually works," he said, confused. With no other relevant understanding of how plumbing works, Effenbach was left with no other option than to call someone who knows what the inside of a toilet looks like. "I've never opened the back of it before," Effenbach said. "I'm assuming it's a bunch of wires and gears or something, right?"
The company he ended up calling was "Paul's Plumbing & Drain Cleaning," a veteran plumber who diagnosed the issue within three minutes of arrival. "Your flush valve gasket is totally worn out," Paul said to Effenbach, who nodded his head despite having no idea what a flush valve gasket was. "I'll be happy to replace it," the plumber said. "It'll just be three hundred bucks."
At publishing time, reports confirm that Effenbach was calling to get other bids on the job but was pleased to have doubled his plumbing knowledge by learning there is such a thing as a "flush valve gasket."
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.