NEW YORK, NY—Planned Parenthood has endorsed Mike Bloomberg for president after learning he encouraged a pregnant woman to "kill it."
The "health care but actually abortion" provider has reportedly been waiting for just the right candidate who would be willing to stand up bravely for women's rights. When Bloomberg came under fire last night for his alleged suggestion that a woman "kill it," Planned Parenthood leadership knew they had found their candidate.
"Mike Bloomberg is a true champion of women's rights," said Planned Parenthood's acting president, Alexis McGill Johnson. "On that debate stage last night, all the other candidates were ripping into him for suggesting a woman should kill the life inside of her, but Bloomberg stood strong in the face of these heartless attacks. He was the only candidate up there who truly supports a woman's right to choose."
"This is the kind of leadership we need in our country as women's rights to snuff out the life of their children are under attack by evil men like Mike Pence and callous critics of abortion like Elizabeth Warren."
Warren has apologized for suggesting that "killing it" was wrong, but the damage to her campaign was done. "She's finished," said one debate commentator. "You can't just come out in the Democratic debates and acknowledge that a preborn baby is a human life that can be killed and expect to still win the primaries. Stick a fork in her -- this campaign trail is gonna end in tears."