WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a historic first, a current presidential cabinet nominee received an official military commendation, as Pete Hegseth was awarded the Silver Star for enduring a roomful of hysterical women during his Senate confirmation hearing.
In less than one full day of questioning before the Senate Armed Services Committee, Hegseth withstood a near-constant barrage from female Democratic senators, leaving witnesses amazed by his heroic display of courage and determination.
"A truly astounding example of toughness and bravery in the face of danger," Republican Senator Eric Schmidt said. "I've heard a lot of inspiring stories over the years from combat veterans, but what we witnessed today was impressive. What Pete Hegseth endured today will go down in history books."
The Silver Star, which is awarded to soldiers to recognize gallantry in action against enemies of the United States, was presented to Hegseth at the conclusion of the day's hearing. "You're an inspiration to us all," Senator Rick Scott said after Hegseth received the commendation. "Few men have withstood such punishment and lived to tell the tale. Anyone who was on the fence about Pete Hegseth's toughness and qualifications to lead America's military shouldn't have any more doubts."
When reached for comment, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand said, "REEEEEEEEE! REEEEEEE! REEEEEEE!"
Hegseth was modest after receiving the honor. "It's just part of the job," he said. "Hearing live rounds whizzing by your head in combat is good preparation for dealing with feminist senators."
At publishing time, reports surfaced that the female Democratic members of the committee would face charges for torturing an American soldier.
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