LONDON — Authorities in the United Kingdom were outwitted once again this week, as to avoid prosecution on charges of sexual assault, famed author Neil Gaiman joined an Islamic grooming gang.
The writer had come under fire in recent weeks due to accusations from multiple women that he had forced himself on them over the years but would apparently now escape being held accountable for the crimes due to aligning himself with a grooming gang in Rotherham.
"Better luck next time, bobbies!" Gaiman was heard shouting as he taunted police. "I've joined up with these other rapists, and there's nothing you can do about it. Now I'm unprosecutable. Not even Parliament will want to come anywhere near investigating me now. I'll just keep assaulting women with impunity, thank you."
When reached for comment, local law enforcement confirmed that their hands were now tied. "He's quite immune from any accountability now, I'm afraid," said Chief Constable Edward Chillingsworth IV. "We were on the verge of bringing him in to answer for all of these dreadful allegations, but once we heard he had hooked up with the Islamic grooming gang, we knew it was useless. They're all-powerful, don't you know? With all their grooming and raping, that is."
At publishing time, Gaiman told reporters that things would remain business as usual for him. "A little writing here, a little sexual assault there," he said. "Now that I'm protected as a member of the Islamic grooming gang, I've no reason to change my ways."
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