CLEVELAND, OH — In a tragedy bemoaned by sports fans across the nation, a perfectly good basketball game between Golden State Warriors and Cleveland Cavaliers was completely ruined by a lady announcer.
According to fans present at the debacle, the game was just shaping up to be a real corker when the stadium speakers crackled with an unmistakably feminine mic-test of a woman with a woman's voice.
"It all went downhill from there," recalls Jon Christiansen, a Warriors fan. "I didn't know you could get hired as a sports announcer when you're a woman. It's just not right. I thought this was America."
Fans report that the lady announcer continued to call the game, adding in various gasps of horror and concern when players got knocked down, sighing disappointedly at missed free throws, and occasionally saying things like, "That was a foul, right? He totally hit the basketball out of his hands! Who's got the possession now?"
"Honestly, I didn't have too much trouble with it," said Jackson Rolf, a Cavs fan. "You just tune it out after a while. It was kinda like being at home watching games with my wife, only the questions were much louder."
At publishing time, the lady announcer had closed her coverage of the game by hoping that both teams had had fun.
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
