STERLING, VA — Critics of the Trump administration have raised security concerns due to Trump holding a high-level strategy meeting at Cracker Barrel.
Witnesses dining at the popular southern-themed eatery reported being surprised to find President Trump along with Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth seated at a nearby table discussing secret war plans over their plates of fried chicken, country fried steak, and pecan pancakes.
"They planned out a potential invasion of China while eating biscuits," said one diner. "I didn't catch everything they said, but I definitely heard them discussing airstrikes against Iranian nuclear sites while they were looking at their menus. By the time they got their food, they had moved on to preemptive strike options against Russia. It was fascinating, but I'm not sure the busy dining room at Cracker Barrel is the proper place for those conversations. Vance can put away some cornbread, though."
Others present at the time said the president proudly solved the restaurant's famous wooden triangle peg game by simply dumping them all out onto the table at the same time. "Done. Record time," Trump reportedly said. "Don't know why everyone thinks this thing is so hard. I'm the best at it. Maybe ever."
The senior government officials eventually wrapped up the meal by agreeing to continue pressing the fight against radical Islamic groups in the Middle East after finishing off their hashbrown casserole tots.
At publishing time, the men reportedly scheduled next week's top-secret strategy session to take place over burgers, fries, and milkshakes at Five Guys.
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
