SAN DIEGO, CA—Describing the scene as “tragic,” local pastor Steve Cuevas has issued an apology to the congregation of Believer’s Baptist Church in the wake of the single most serious theological scandal their church has ever faced.
During a routine baby dedication ceremony Sunday, Cuevas had forgotten to put the cap back on his 1-Liter plastic Dasani water bottle that normally sits on his lectern which enables him to drink as needed while he preaches, according to sources.
As the parents, Brandon and April Summers, were handing their daughter, Sarah, over to be held by the pastor, so that he might pray over the family and the little one, his sleeve caught the top of the water bottle and defying all normal laws of physics landed right into the crook of his elbow as he cradled the baby who was in no way capable of believing on Christ and repenting of her sins.
The congregation sat horrified and the pastor froze in shock as the entire bottle of water poured onto the child. An elder sprang up from the front row and tried to remove the water bottle, but it was too late. The baby had been covered head to toe in water—an entirely valid baptism by an ordained minister according to the bylaws of Believer’s Baptist. The church service ended in disaster as horrified and confused congregants fled the building.
“How could this happen?” the distraught mother reportedly muttered as she wondered what this meant for the salvation of her little girl. “You only get one chance at something like this!”
“You hear about the occasional accidental baby baptism, but you never think it’ll happen to you,” she added.
At publishing time, the Summers family had handed their accidentally baptized daughter over to a local Presbyterian family to be raised in a covenant community.