SILOAM SPRINGS, AR — A local man found himself embroiled in a personal crisis today as he prepared to take his traditional trip to an extended family Thanksgiving holiday after coming to the realization that he is, indeed, the "weird uncle" he's heard people talking about.
"It's laughable to hear all these stories about our ‘weird uncle'...hey…wait a minute," said Quentin Ray. "I…I was sure our family didn't even have a ‘weird uncle,' but…you don't think…nah. There's no way. It can't be me, can it? I always have such fascinating bits of information to share, like telling them about old Sega Genesis games or how whitetail deer attract mates by urinating on themselves. Who doesn't love stuff like that?"
Quentin was startled by the revelation that he could very well be the proverbial "weird uncle" to his nieces and nephews. "I can't believe it," he said. "Could it be possible that slurping down the congealed turkey drippings the day after Thanksgiving isn't as entertaining to them as it is to me? They always laugh. They have those scared looks on their faces when they laugh, but still."
At publishing time, Quentin had finally accepted that he was the family's weird uncle and that there was nothing to do but to lean into it.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
