WASHINGTON, D.C. — Labor Secretary Martin J. Walsh spoke with reporters Friday to clarify previous remarks that the rate of inflation had hit 9.1% in June. He explained that his office had accidentally placed the decimal in the wrong place and inflation is actually 91%, the highest it has ever been. He apologized for the error.
"Oops, sorry about that folks. Apologies all around," said Sec Walsh. "My notes had a pretty glaring typo. Inflation is actually 91%. Wow, yeah — that's pretty high. That's, like, the highest it's ever been in recorded history, I think. I will not be taking any questions."
According to sources, an intern with no experience had prepared the talking points for Walsh previously, which led to the error. Walsh did not first review the data before speaking because he also knows nothing about the economy or even what money is.
The announcement was met with sighs of relief from the upper class of society who will not be affected by this news in any meaningful way.
At publishing time, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen argued that the sales tax rate should be increased to 91% to compete with inflation.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.