MOSCOW — As the world anticipates their exclusive interview together, local witnesses reported seeing new besties Tucker Carlson and Vladimir Putin riding a bear through Moscow while chugging vodka.
The controversial independent journalist and the Russian president reportedly celebrated the conclusion of their sit-down conversation the traditional Russian way: a thrilling tandem bear ride through Red Square while passing a large bottle of Stoli back and forth.
"Yippeeeeeeeee! Faster! Go faster, Vlad! Wooo-hoooo!" Carlson was heard saying as he held the waist of a bare-chested Putin.
"They appear to have made quite a bond," one Russian witness said. "We heard rumors that Tucker Carlson had arrived for interview with Putin. We did not know if it was true, but now we can see with our eyes. I was sitting on street corner eating bowl of stroganoff when I hear loud shouting. I look toward Kremlin and see Putin and Tucker riding magnificent bear. I heard they also bench-pressed live womans. Very manly. Very powerful."
Mainstream media outlets and lawmakers in the United States warned that Carlson's interview with Putin would likely be filled with false information and propaganda. "Tucker has clearly been compromised," said Congressman Eric Swalwell. "He goes over there to interview a vicious dictator and then appears in public riding a bear and drinking vodka? I suspect they've reached some type of deal to rig the election for Donald Trump, but I'm waiting on word from my Chinese contacts for confirmation."
At publishing time, rumors persisted that Carlson and Putin rode the bear all the way to the nearest body of frigid water, where they both went shirtless before plunging into the icy depths.
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