HARRISBURG, PA — The hotly contested race for the Pennsylvania U.S. Senate seat has had its share of controversies, but none of them compare to the most recent brouhaha, as new photos have surfaced showing a neck lump with a gross, disgusting politician growing out of it.
The neck lump's campaign office has issued a statement asking for privacy following the virally-shared photo of the fleshy growth of putrid politician protruding awkwardly from the neck lump.
"The hoodie makes sense now; it was there so the neck lump could hide from view," said one TMZ journalist. "I'd hide my face too if I had a politician growing out of me like that."
Dr. Ralph Blanship, who specializes in treatments for malignant politicianomas, when asked whether he believed the politician bulging from the neck lump was a Democrat or Republican, responded that it appeared to be a Democrat. Dr. Blanship then clarified that Republican tumors were just as dangerous, as both had the potential to metastasize and wreak havoc on individuals, families, and even entire societies.
The Foundation for Neck Lumps issued a statement in support of the neck lump, stating, "We urge Americans to not judge neck lumps for being victims of an illness that affects so many. No one chooses what grows out of us, and millions suffer daily with embarrassing growths of politicians, hedge fund managers, even social media influencers sticking out of us."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
