Kids LOVE watching Netflix! But did you know there are some things that are more healthy than Netflix for their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being?
Here are nine healthier alternatives to Netflix:
- Impossible™ Meat: Don't worry, you have to eat a TON of soy leghemoglobin and cultured dextrose before it kills you.
- Taking the Tide pod challenge: Risky, but still safer than Netflix!
- Being left unsupervised with Joe Biden: He'll usually just tip over like a marble statue if pushed away.
- Playing in the lion enclosure at the zoo: At least you don't have to worry about the lions secretly indoctrinating your kids.
- Filming a movie with Alec Baldwin: Unless it's a Netflix production.
- Deep-fried bacon-wrapped Twinkies: And much tastier, too!
- Working as rodeo clowns: At least your kid is getting some much-needed exercise.
- Family trip to Burning Man: A wholesome family time compared to what you'll find on Netflix these days.
- Crossing the southern border unaccompanied: You may get a free trip to Martha's Vineyard!
NOT SATIRE: Attention Parents and Grandparents!
PUT YOUR KIDS ON A HEALTHY DIET.
What are you feeding your family? The right food is essential for children to grow up straight and strong. It's the same with entertainment. A bad diet of programming can weaken their convictions, undermine your family's foundations, and leave your kids malnourished.
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In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: