U.S. — After political parties spent $900 million on ads about the affordability crisis, Americans began wondering if everyone could just forget about the election and split that cash to help address the affordability crisis.
"I'm just thinking out loud here, but could we just have the money instead?" asked local voter Nathan Briggs, reaching for the remote as another commercial began. "You've both spent a lot of money telling me how much you care that I can't afford groceries. I feel like there's a missed opportunity here to help me afford groceries."
The proposal has gained widespread bipartisan support, with Americans across the political spectrum agreeing they would rather receive money and forget about the whole "election" thing.
"We've got the message, I'm broke and need money," said Briggs. "What if instead of telling us that same message 793 more times tonight, we all just split the money you would have used to do that. Has anyone run the numbers on how much that would give me?"
According to mathematicians, the money spent on political ads would be enough to buy everyone in America a sandwich. Surveys show that 99.7% of Americans would pick to cancel the election and have a #2 from Jersey Mike's.
At publishing time, politicians from both parties had taken a brief break from drinking champagne on a private jet to denounce that idea as "so stupid."
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