AUSTIN, TX — Bored of having a good state that people love, Texans have reportedly flocked to the polls in record numbers to try voting Democrat for a change.
According to sources, voters believe Texas has had it good for far too long. "We're the envy of most states, and everyone wants to move here. I'm sick of it!" said Duke "Big Bull" Clayton. "It's become so dull, having freedom and a growing economy. We need a change of pace, something to really make our lives miserable."
According to polls, Democratic Senate candidate James Talarico has built a significant lead and the race for governor is now a toss-up. "Texas voters are fed up with their state not being awful," said Democratic operative Sandra O'Dell. "They're ready to send a message to the folks in Austin: make our state really bad. What an exciting time to be a Texan."
"Ooo, fun!" said Becky Carlyle, a Texas native from College Station. "I've always wanted to see what it would be like if our state was terrible and made you want to flee. Yippee!"
Incumbent Governor Greg Abbott has continued to campaign hard into the final stretch, as a seemingly surefire race turned into a dead heat. "Texas is a great state and everyone wants to move here," said Abbott at a campaign stop, where he was met with a chorus of boos.
"Booo! Boo prosperity and low taxes! Boo!" shouted the crowd.
"What is even happening here?" sighed a bewildered Abbott.
At publishing time, California transplants had reported that Texas was really starting to feel more like home.
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