WASHINGTON, D.C. - After much speculation on the exact contents of Robert Mueller's report on possible Russian collusion in the 2016 election, the full text of the report has finally been revealed to contain over 300 pages of theories on the plot of upcoming Marvel film Avengers: Endgame.
The report contained detailed maps, charts, graphics, lists, and "the scrawlings of a madman" as Mueller apparently spent the last year obsessing over the ways in which the remaining Avengers could defeat Thanos. One particularly interesting page was just a drawing of Dr. Strange in crayon with the phrase "THE KEY TO EVERYTHING???" scribbled in a burnt sienna tone at the bottom.
In a rare public appearance, Mueller defended his findings.
"I just don't see any possible solution to the Thanos problem that doesn't involve the Time Stone," he said at a press conference. "This was definitely all part of the plan: Dr. Strange allows Thanos to use the Infinity Gauntlet, and yet somehow harnesses the power of the Time Stone to reverse Thanos' work."
"But how, when Thanos took possession of it?" he added, shaking his head. "That's stumped me for months. Still, I'm thinking some combination of Strange's plan and Ant-Man's access to the Quantum Realm---clearly spelled out at the end of Ant-Man and the Wasp---gets us the solution."
At publishing time, Mueller had confirmed he had looked at 14,000,605 possible theories before settling on his favorite for the report.