WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Congressional Democrats have drafted a resolution to impeach President Donald Trump. Since the Mueller report cleared Trump of collusion with Russia, the Democrats weren’t sure why they should impeach Trump and have left the reasons for impeachment on their resolution blank for now.
“Donald Trump has committed the high crime of TBA,” reads the resolution written by freshman congresswoman Rashida Tlaib, “and should be impeached and immediately removed from office before he can further damage this country by [INSERT SCARY THINGS HERE].”
“He absolutely should be impeached for something, I’m like pretty sure,” Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told reporters. “He’s a bad man and he made fun of my Green New Deal, which I worked on for like hours.”
Trump was dismissive of the resolution, though. “I’m the greatest president ever, and the Mueller report says I’ve never done anything wrong in my life and deserve a raise.” While saying this, he blocked reporters from looking into the Oval Office, where he said “nothing is going on” and definitely “nothing impeachable.”
Despite criticism that she needs to provide actual evidence of crimes worthy of impeachment, Representative Tlaib insisted: "We have to pass this resolution before we can decide what's in it."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.