SINAI — Moses, who led God's chosen people out of the land of Egypt, reportedly asked God to part the waters of the Red Sea again real quick after he realized he must have dropped his sunglasses in the midst of the waters.
Moses first realized his sunglasses were missing when he attempted to don them while saying a cool catchphrase as he watched the Egyptian army drown. "Aw, man! Where my shades at?" the prophet lamented. "I was going to say something cool, too, like 'I hope you're thirsty!'"
"Missed opportunity," his brother Aaron agreed.
According to sources, the shades of Moses were "super sick" Oakley Holbrooks with a positive red iridium lens from the land of Egypt. Finding a replacement in the wilderness would be impossible. The prophet was sure he would miss out on several more opportunities to sufficiently "burn" God's enemies with the aid of some slick sunglasses. It would also have been great to wear while walking in the desert sun, Moses considered.
Unfortunately for Moses, the sea was not parted again. He informed Aaron that his prayer was heard and the answer was no. "He wants me to remain humble. My Oakleys would only hinder me because they made me look way too cool," Moses reflected. "I see that now."
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.