The addition of a 90,000 square-foot White House State Ballroom marks the first significant expansion to the White House in over 70 years, but President Trump isn't done yet.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of other improvements Trump is planning for the White House:
A giant "TRUMP" sign will be installed over the front entrance: This is just standard procedure.
Trap doors leading to a giant alligator pit will be installed under each chair in the White House Press Room: The Associated Press will reportedly be invited back for the unveiling.
Building of a 50,000 square-foot monkey house so Trump can laugh at the monkeys: It will be the biggest, most beautiful monkey house ever built.
A button Trump can press while saying "We need guns, lots of guns" and then the lights dim and cabinets full of guns shoot out of the walls and ceiling and stuff while cool music plays: Leather trench coats and sunglasses will be included.
The Presidential Emergency Operations Center will be expanded to feature a doomsday bunker full of Diet Coke in case China nukes the Diet Coke factories: There would be no hope to rebuild without Diet Coke.
A cool fireman's pole that goes down into the Oval Office: Made of solid gold, of course.
The addition of a Presidential Sword Room: You have to have somewhere to keep all the swords.
The Lincoln Bedroom will be remodeled and converted into the Kid Rock Bedroom: It's ok, since historians say Lincoln would have been a big fan of Kid Rock.
An official UFC octagon where Trump can fight other world leaders: This innovation will really simplify diplomacy.
A full-sized Buc-ee's constructed on the south lawn: The only building more American than the White House itself.
Not even the Founding Fathers could have imagined a more amazing residence for the president. What other improvements should Trump make? Post your ideas in the comments.
The Washington Commanders aren't the only sports team in Trump's crosshairs.
