NETHERLANDS — In a night of stunning and inclusive bliss, The Netherlands conferred its highest beauty pageant honor upon a trans woman who looked just like a real woman. The totally real woman is reportedly "champing at the bit" to compete again.
"I'm so thrilled to win this incredible award," Rikkie Valerie Kollé, totally a woman, told reporters. "I can't wait to win more pageants! I'm just rearing to go, champing at the bit, trying to bridle my excitement, saddling up, ready to hit the trail!"
Kollé wowed the judges during the talent portion of the event by elegantly cantering while eating 50 apples off a handler's open palm in under 5 minutes.
"Rikkie is one determined..woman. Yes-human woman," handler Liv De Vris explained. "You just have to be really careful to keep your palm flat and fingers together when doing the apple-feeding. If not…well, you might get bit!"
After crowning Kollé with The Netherlands' top pretty-lady award, judges lured the winner off the stage with a bucket of oats. They then lead Kollé to a trough of water, but couldn't get the absolutely 100 percent human woman to drink.
"I'm really trying not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm so excited to represent all other real women in The Netherlands because I, too, am a real woman," Kollé remarked before letting out a celebratory NEEEAAAAY and bedding down for the night on a pile of fresh straw.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
