U.S.—According to reports, more and more states are advocating for mandatory classes on obscure Star Wars trivia.
The bills are designed to combat our nation's increasing illiteracy when it comes to important information like Star Wars characters, planets, and plot details. Teachers will utilize official source material like The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, The Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels, and dozens of the most prominent novels in the Star Wars universe. Kids will take courses on the history of the Corellian system, the economic struggles of the Coruscant underworld, and the brutal invasion by the Yuuzhan Vong.
"We are raising a whole generation of kids who don't know who Grand Admiral Thrawn is," said Greg Farr, a comic book store owner in Toledo and a Star Wars literacy activist. "This is a travesty. Many kids only know about Jar Jar Binks and these newfangled Disney films. We need to stand up and say, 'Enough!'" Farr then stood up and held his deluxe lightsaber toy into the air in an act of defiance but sat back down when he started to lose his breath.
Advocates for these bills say that Disney's attempt to wipe out the Star Wars Expanded Universe was just the beginning of a dangerous threat on Star Wars literacy. Farr and other Star Wars literacy advocates like him lament the growing illiteracy of our nation's youth when it comes to even basic Star Wars facts, like the name of the rancor keeper in Return of the Jedi or who Salacious Crumb is.
"If we don't take action now, millions of kids will never learn the intricacies of Mandalorian lore or the exact payload capacity of an Imperial-class Star Destroyer," Farr added.