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Theology
More Seminaries Replacing Boring Systematic Theologies With Shai Linne Albums

U.S.—In a bid to make learning systematic theology more interesting, more seminaries are replacing long, dull systematic texts with more upbeat, catchy Shai Linne albums.

Instead of taking quizzes, seminarians are being asked to come in and rap through various Shai Linne tracks.

Grace Life Seminary in Oregon threw out their old Grudem, Bavinck, Calvin, Hodge, and Berkhof textbooks and replaced them with The Atonement, The Attributes of God, Lyrical Theology parts 1 and 2, and Still Jesus.

"The kids are a lot more into this," said seminary president John Johnson. "And it makes us look cool and hip." He then adjusted his sweater vest and put on a backward cap. "We're the hippest cats in the seminary game now, you feel me, fam?"

The move has also helped students gain more discernment, as the "False Teachers and Heresies" course is just a semester-long study of Shai Linne's song "Fal$e Teacher$." "Prof J, is Paula White a false teacher?" asked one student.

The professor pulled out his boom box and pressed play: "Paula White is a false teacher! Use your discernment, let the Bible lead ya!"

In lieu of a thesis or dissertation, students at Grace Life are asked to come up with a Linne-style rap track and battle against another student. They're graded on how accurate their theology is and also are given style points for their beat, flow, and pronunciation. Students are encouraged to wear sideways hats and other cool hip-hop attire. If they drop the mic at the end, they're bumped up a whole letter grade.

The student who loses the rap battle is booed, dissed, and sent home, while the winner advances to the next school year.

At publishing time, Shai Linne was writing a new song for the nation's seminaries to teach students, but was having trouble coming up with a rhyme for "substitutionary atonement."

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