FT WAYNE, IN — According to sources, a local labrador retriever is being cruelly neglected by his humans as they haven't even played with him in over 10 minutes.
In spite of repeated requests in the form of yips, barks, tail wags, and very sad puppy eyes, all members of the family are callously going about whatever humans do all day without so much as acknowledging the suffering of the poor creature. How cruel!
Eyewitnesses confirmed that the family did take the dog on a walk this morning and threw the frisbee in the backyard for another 30 minutes when they got home, but then they stopped throwing the frisbee even though the dog really wanted to run after the frisbee again or catch a ball or run or jump around playfully with his humans or chase someone or dig a hole or eat some food.
Instead, the dog's humans did none of these things, even though the dog wanted them to. Now, he is sitting there very sad, and no one is paying attention to him because they abandoned him and nobody loves him and he wishes there was food and he's all alone and sad.
At publishing time, someone gave the dog some food, confirming them to be the greatest and most wonderful humans in the whole, whole world.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
