HARLINGEN, TX — Local man Gary Marmon climbed to the top of The Forbes 400 after it was revealed he possessed both Taylor Swift tickets and a dozen eggs. Marmon beat out former richest man Elon Musk, who called the newcomer a beacon of inspiration.
In an interview with Forbes Magazine, Marmon said he owes his wealth to living in Harlingen. "Nothing is expensive here," he said. "It was a little tough to get Taylor Swift tickets, but I traveled to Dallas to buy them in person instead of through Ticketmaster. Saved me a bundle."
Marmon lives in a quaint one-story house on the southern end of the city. His neighborhood is frequently overrun by undocumented immigrants, which pulls down his property value, but he allegedly makes up for it with eggs smuggled over the Mexico border.
At publishing time, Gary Marmon was looking into what stock brokers are so that he can consider buying "all the stocks."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
