Man Slips Into Deep Depression After Finishing Last Of Thanksgiving Leftovers
Life · Nov 30, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

NORRISTOWN, PA — Chad Pullman, 39, slipped into a deep depression Monday after finishing off the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers. Doctors say he has been unable to leave his bedroom for two days.

Pullman said he had grown accustomed to a fridge full of delicious leftovers, and now that they're gone he's not sure his life has meaning anymore. "I just keep thinking about how great it was," Pullman explained. "I was eating stuffing three times a day. Turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and brussels sprouts were all right there for the taking. And now they're all just….gone."

Pullman then looked wistfully out his window and shed a silent tear.

"I look in the fridge now, and all I see is emptiness," Pullman continued. "What am I supposed to have for lunch today? Lunchmeat? String cheese? Carrot sticks? What am I, an animal?"

Pullman's wife reminded him that not all the leftovers were gone, as she had just made a nice pot of turkey soup. "She's trying, but it's just soup. It's not the same," Pullman sobbed.

At publishing time, Pullman made a miraculous recovery after his wife sent up a plate of fresh-baked Christmas cookies and a glass of eggnog.


Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.

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