PEORIA, IL — Members of Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church were in for a shock this past Sunday as they were greeted at the doors to the church by an army of state-of-the-art robo-greeters.
The drastic transformation in greeters comes at a time churches across the nation have seen a dramatic drop in volunteers.
"Greetings, worshipping human lifeforms," buzzed the robo-greeters to nervous congregants who suddenly found themselves missing the awkward human greeters from last week. "We hope you find joy in your Creator through the use of audio amplification and elongated speeches from humans with perfectly-controlled hair follicles."
The increase in crying babies did not deter the mechanical greeters from seeing that all soft-bodied mammals received a 98.6º welcome and a 3.78 lb handshake.
Small talk proved difficult for human and robot alike.
Following the service, all parishioners shoved their way out the back door, but were met in the parking lot by loving, carbon-fiber humanoids wishing them a blessed week.
At publishing time, attendance at the Cornerstone Calvary Community Congregation City Church had seen a bump in the demographic of boys age 5-13, who insisted on seeing dinosaur greeters the following Sunday.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: