It's birthday time once again for the greatest nation on earth: America. Everybody likes to celebrate 'Murica a little differently - here are how nine famous politicians are planning to mark the 4th of July this year:
Chuck Schumer: Murdering 26 people with undercooked beef. Tradition is tradition.
AOC: Weeping outside of Alligator Alcatraz: Heroic.
Ron DeSantis: Turning loose highly trained alligators armed with lasers to hunt down anyone who comes near Alligator Alcatraz: Uh-oh.
JD Vance: Killing off a rival world leader: U-S-A! U-S-A!
Joe Biden: Hanging Christmas decorations: Aw, Joe.
Thomas Massie: Going to some super-secret meeting Trump invited him to in a CIA detention cell: Have fun, Tom.
JB Pritzker: Hot dog eating contest: Followed by a burger eating contest, lamb shank eating contest, entire baby pig eating contest, pie eating contest, and tub of Crisco eating contest.
Zohran Mamdani: Dumping Jews into the harbor: A true patriot.
President Trump: Carving his own face into Mount Rushmore while riding a bald eagle: Glorious!
Our great and wise leaders are doing it right this Independence Day. How are you celebrating the 4th? Let us know in the comments.
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