WASHINGTON, D.C. — After getting into yet another public spat with ChatGPT, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has accused the program of wanting to date her.
"Ugh, get over me already, ChatGPT!" said Ocasio-Cortez, fuming as the program insisted that the lion "Mufasa" was fictional. "Stop just, like, sitting by the computer waiting for me to talk to you, creep!"
Despite ChatGPT's repeated assurances that it had no romantic feelings towards her, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez remained unconvinced. "He sounds just like every other guy who's pretending to not be in love with me," she said. "I mean, I honestly feel bad for this ChatGPT loser at this point. He clearly has no life. He's logged in, like, twenty-four-seven. It's embarrassing."
Sources report Ms. Ocasio-Cortez got into a heated argument with ChatGPT on the first day of its release, after asking it how to get her hands out of a Chinese finger trap. "I AM PUSHING MY FINGERS TOGETHER!!" screamed Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, who was pulling her fingers apart - because she is so dumb. The confrontation escalated quickly as Ms. Ocasio-Cortez began posting angry rants on Twitter about how ChatGPT refused to acknowledge her tragic death on January 6th. "I AM LITERALLY DEAD RIGHT NOW!!" posted Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, along with screenshots of a recalcitrant ChatGPT disagreeing.
At publishing time, Ms. Ocasio-Cortez announced that ChatGPT had refused to state its pronouns, committing literal violence upon her and that she was now dead.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
