LOS ANGELES — Sean "Diddy" Combs celebrated his acquittal on sex trafficking and racketeering charges this morning by hosting a massive "freak-off."
Combs reportedly stated he really needed to let loose after months of testimony about the violence and prostitution involved in his notorious parties.
"The jury is all invited," said a smiling Combs as he exited the courthouse. "I doused the foreman with baby oil on the way out, just a little pre-game celebration. Man, that was a rough few months! Time to get back to business."
Although Combs beat three of the charges, the jury did find him guilty of two lesser charges, and the judge did admonish Combs for his continued partying and illicit drug use during the trial. "Which is exactly why the judge is not invited to the freak-off, that jerk," said Combs. "It was pretty cool of him though to let all the assault and battery stuff slide, even though it was all on video. Maybe he can still come for a little bit."
At publishing time, the stock of Johnson & Johnson had risen 400% after news of the verdict.
Liberal Brynnleigh travels back to 1933 Germany to erase a certain stain on humanity.
