LOS ANGELES, CA — Drag queen story hours are taking the nation by storm, and children at the Eastside Public Library in Los Angeles aren't being left behind. Kids of all ages gathered excitedly in the children's section of the library Wednesday afternoon to hear a story read by up-and-coming drag queen Kirkdazzle Glameroni.
"Hey, kids, whooooooo's ready to read some stories?!" Glameroni said, entering the room in a blonde wig and carrying a large, leather-bound book. Audience members responded with cries of "Yass queen!" and "Slay, girl!" as parents who'd brought their kids to hear stories read by a man in a dress, apparently on purpose and somehow completely within the bounds of the law, cheered wildly.
Their excitement slowly morphed into horror, however, as Kirkdazzle Glameroni began reading from the book of Romans: "The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities — his eternal power and divine nature — have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." It was not immediately clear if Glameroni had accidentally grabbed the wrong book, as parents had been under the impression the drag queen would be reading material appropriate for kids such as This Book Is Gay, Bye, Bye, Binary!, or How to Cut Off Your Body Parts.
Horrified parents covered their kids' ears and carried them out of the library, running in terror as Glameroni chased after them while shouting, "Have you ever lied?! Have you ever stolen?! Have you ever hated anyone?! I have good news for you!"
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!