Libertarian Pilgrims Set Sail For Argentina In Search Of A Better Life
Politics · Nov 20, 2023 ·

PORTSMOUTH, NH — Immediately after Argentinians did the unthinkable and elected an actual libertarian to an actual political office, a shipful of libertarian immigrants was seen departing a New Hampshire port Monday morning "in search of a better life in the New World of Argentina."

The libertarian pilgrims say they hope to find the freedom and liberty America once offered in the strange new country. They boarded the U.S.S. Memeflower with all their goods and possessions — consisting mostly of video games and weed — this morning and set sail for their new life.

"We embark on this voyage in hopes of seeing our libertarian utopia finally implemented," said the captain of the ship, Greg Reynolds. "For life! For liberty! And the gold standard!"

"Freedooooom!!!" he cried as the ship was christened by breaking a bottle of homebrewed IPA against the vessel's hull.

The motivations of the pilgrims vary wildly, with some searching for religious freedom, others looking for better economic opportunities, and a significant percentage "just wanting to smoke some dank weed," according to sources. "Some of us want to be able to practice our religious beliefs without interference, while others want to invest in crypto without government meddling. Others just really, really like guns."

He gestured toward one passenger huddled up against some barrels. "That guy 3D-printed an M1 Abrams tank."

At publishing time, an argument had broken out over whether their new society would use Dogecoin or precious metals as currency.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

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