SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Liberals at Twitter were outraged this morning upon finding out almost 10% of their company is now owned by an African-American. Several have threatened walk-outs to protest the news.
"That man's foreign ways aren't welcome here," said Twitter Programming Director Xerxie Vamoosixx, (xe/xir.) "I watched a TikTok video about a Salon article about a tweet from a journalist that said he is 'based,' which is another word for transphobic. I have literally not stopped shaking and throwing up on my desk since I found out."
Several unnamed sources from within the company expressed worry that the African immigrant will influence the company to value freedom of speech - even allowing people to send tweets people like Vamoosixx don't agree with. "Tweets I don't agree with make me feel unsafe which means they're literally violence and I'm gonna burn down this building," xe said.
Vamoosixx plans to stage a protest and demand the foreigner take his foreign ways back to where he came from.
Other Twitter employees expressed excitement over the new ownership - especially for the free White Claws now available in every break room.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
