U.S. — A final group of 100 million Mexican citizens are taking advantage of Biden's last week in office by hurriedly crossing the United States border before Trump has a chance to make their illegal entry illegal, according to new data released by the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency.
"¡Date prisa antes de que el hombre naranja nos detenga!" said a member of the notorious Tijuana Cartel as he shoved unaccompanied children across the border.
The sudden influx has reportedly overwhelmed CBP officers, preventing them from offering free welcome packages to each and every undocumented immigrant. "We're low on vital resources," said one insider who warned there weren't enough gift baskets full of money to go around.
President Biden, who has been notoriously soft on illegal immigration, has responded to the overwhelming surge of migrants by sending more money to Ukraine.
As the border crumbles, Congressional Republicans have resolved to do nothing, preferring to wait until Trump arrives next week and does all the work so they don't have to.
"Why should I work on this when I can just have Trump do it?" said House Speaker Mike Johnson. "Who needs the stress?"
At publishing time, a supply of complimentary smartphones had arrived at the border for immediate dispersal to illegal aliens.
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