LOS ANGELES, CA — In a statement to Congress regarding former NBA players who have applied for the WNBA draft, the Women's National Basketball Association has clarified that it defines a woman as an "adult human lesbian."
The statement came after months of controversy, with the WNBA refusing to state what it considers to be the biological eligibility requirements for admission into the league. With today's statement, WNBA leaders say they hope they can put all of this behind them and focus on the amazing talent of the butch dykes who make up the bulk of the team rosters.
"This controversy has clouded the immense talent of our teams of giant lesbians," Commissioner Cathy Engelbert said in a statement. "We felt like we needed to clarify how we set the standards for our players. Any adult woman who romantically loves other women is eligible to play in the WNBA."
The statement was met with celebration by fans, who say they finally know and understand what is expected of women who hope to play professional basketball. "I don't find other women attractive," one WNBA hopeful said. "But I think if I watched The Acolyte and read some Sylvia Plath, I could make it work."
At publishing time, the WNBA had also clarified that women who enjoy listening to Melissa Etheridge are welcome to try out.
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