Ladies of the United States, this is a friendly reminder to please check your mailbox as your mandatory Handmaid's Tale outfit should be arriving today.
As you may know, women must wear the outfit every day starting the moment Trump is sworn in, and the government is taking precautions to ensure every woman has an outfit that fits. Just like from 2016 to 2020, women are once again property and may only serve as baby-making factories. The outfit is a necessary reminder of women losing all of their rights when Trump again returns to power.
Yes, Trump has won, and the dark days are near. Please, be sure you wear your outfit to school events, the grocery store, church (Unitarian, of course), your next doctor's appointment, and to get the mail when you are retrieving backup Handmaid's Tale outfits. If you see a gun, remember to bow to it, as it now has more rights than you. It's not a legal requirement per se, but it is a nice sign of respect.
Thanks for your understanding.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
