OMAHA, NE — While the nationwide labor shortage has been widely reported, one local Chick-Fil-A has suffered from an acute need for more workers. The store manager for the Omaha location says his location is staffed well below the nationwide average, with only 68 people working his drive-thru line.
"Here on the outskirts of Omaha, we aren't the busiest location by a longshot – but to fall this far below the recommended 378 workers has caused our service to drop dramatically." Store owner Clark R. McScotts told reporters that despite his location being in the bottom 10 percentile for drive-thru traffic throughout the franchise's over 2,600 locations, his team has nearly buckled with the unacceptable low workforce of 68 workers per shift.
While few customers at the location had noticed the .02 second slowdown in sauce deliveries, McScotts says the metric needs improvement. "Even in this economy, we cannot allow our service to slip – if we use the old standby excuse of "our ice cream machine is broken" and fail to deliver our seasonal peach, St. Patrick's Day mint, and holiday peppermint milkshakes to customers, we'll be in no position to say 'my pleasure' and the experience will be incomplete!"
At publishing time, the labor shortage dropped to 59 for a shift, leading to a 2-minute slowdown for the Chick-Fil-A workers on duty to deliver babies, break up fistfights, and preach the gospel to indoor customers who had been overheard complimenting the Chris Tomlin saxophone musak in the store.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: