HOLLYWOOD, CA — The entertainment industry was set abuzz as Kim Kardashian immediately dumped Pete Davidson within hours of her finally witnessing an episode of Saturday Night Live.
"I don't know how he ever tricked me into thinking he was funny," said a clearly embarrassed Kardashian. "It's just...so bad. I was incredibly uncomfortable just sitting there watching it. I would say it was like watching a train wreck, but that would be insulting to trains."
For years, people across the world have pondered the mystery of how Pete Davidson and his very average face have managed to date such beautiful women. "Of course, everyone assumes I dated him because he's so funny," said a rueful Ms. Kardashian. "What it takes everyone a while to realize is that Pete has just perfected the smile and half-giggle of someone who just cracked a hysterical inside joke. You end up laughing because you want to be in on the joke, or think you must have missed something, and your brain somehow starts to believe Pete is actually hilarious. But if you just listen to the words coming out of his mouth, nothing remotely funny ever happens."
Having not seen any material from SNL since its final hurrah with the Andy Samberg era, Ms. Kardashian had labored under the delusion that the show still held some comedic and cultural significance. "It was such a shock. I felt a little bad for Pete, honestly. Then I had to go shower to get the cringe-feeling off," said Ms. Kardashian.
At publishing time, Pete Davidson was reportedly smiling and half-giggling in a bar while beautiful women flocked around him, intrigued by his apparent hilarity.
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