U.S. — Noted ship enthusiast and young-earth creationist Ken Ham was reportedly seen traveling across the southeast United States in a life-sized replica of Noah's ark in a heroic attempt to rescue victims of Hurricane Helene.

The ark, which Ham borrowed from The Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky, is a replica of what Noah is believed to have built in the book of Genesis. Though previously stationary, the ark replica is now apparently seaworthy and on the move across greater Appalachia.

"Yet more evidence that the story of Noah's ark happened just as the Bible says," Ham said as he escorted men, women, and children — two by two — onto the ark. "God is proving everyone wrong today."

Though the flood victims were ultimately grateful for Ken Ham's assistance, many complained about the ensuing lectures on the evidence of creationism.

"Okay, okay, it's possible," said Molly Shaem, a waterlogged woman rescued from a roof in North Carolina. "But that still doesn't explain dinosaurs!"

Ken Ham rescued Shaem anyway, but sources confirm he was not as excited about it.

At publishing time, Ham kicked everyone off the ark after they kept referring to it as a boat. "It's a ship!" he yelled out over the water.

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