WASHINGTON, DC — The situation of migrants being transported throughout the United States escalated even further today as Vice President Kamala Harris spoke to the media and officially declared a crisis at the border surrounding her residence in Washington, D.C.

"There is now a serious border crisis. Not at our southern border, which is completely secure. I'm referring to the border around my own property," Vice President Harris said in her statement. "My home is now under siege, surrounded by foreign nationals attempting to circumvent our laws and invade my estate. This is simply unacceptable and must be addressed."

The Vice President has already ensured the high-security fence around her home is in good condition and has instructed her Secret Service detail to perform routine, armed patrols of the property's perimeter to maintain strict border security from the busloads of migrants being dropped off outside.

When asked about allegations of hypocrisy regarding declaring a border crisis at her home while saying the nation's southern border is secure, the Vice President had this to say: "We understand that time and space are things that cannot be understood. To move forward, we look to the past and hold onto the hope for tomorrow. We have knowledge that isn't knowable, and we know that. Now get these people away from my house."

At publishing time, the Vice President's staff was already working on a plan to have the bused migrants removed from the area surrounding her residence and transported back to small, ill-equipped towns along the southern border. When asked why border towns should be expected to withstand the ongoing onslaught of migrants, Harris simply threw her head back and cackled maniacally before telling the press that addressing the border problems is not the job of the Border Czar.

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