NASHVILLE, TN — Having had enough of their bickering, Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing flew back to the States in order to force Ben Shapiro and Candace Owens to wear their get-along shirt until the two can play nice, sources confirmed over the weekend.
As the two stood folding their arms and glaring at each other, Boreing came into the room and brought along the giant T-shirt he had made and ordered them to get inside.
"Now Candace, move over so Ben has room to get in there," said Boreing sternly. "I'm not gonna ask you twice, Candace. Now, Ben, be nice. Stop shoving. Ben! I have had it up to here with you!" Boreing held his hand up to approximately 5'7", hovering just over Shapiro's head.
With public posts attacking each other going viral on social media, Shapiro and Owens were called into the office to settle the matter like adults. "It was becoming a bad look for the company," said Boreing. "So, I brought them together in person to stuff them in a giant shirt so they could settle the matter like mature grown-ups. Now, it's time to light up a Mayflower Cigar - available at mayflowercigars.com - and watch the fun. Hey! No slapping!"
While tensions were high at first, after a few hours of sulking in the shirt, their hearts began to soften. "I'm sorry for quoting the Bible passive-aggressively," Owens mumbled sheepishly.
"Maybe I should have picked up the phone to talk instead of calling you a total disgrace and telling you to quit," said Shapiro, looking at the floor. "Or whatever. I guess."
"Now, say you love each other," said Boreing. "Say it."
"I love you," the pair muttered.
At publishing time, Boreing had been hoisted by his own petard as his staff staged an intervention and made him get into the shirt with Steven Crowder.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
