SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Responding to growing criticism resulting from a rash of recent account suspensions carried out for seemingly innocuous offenses, Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey stressed Wednesday that “Twitter is and will always be a platform for ANY and ALL ideas I wholeheartedly agree with.”
“Let me be very clear: I am a far-left progressive, in a company full of far-left progressives, in a city full of far-left progressives, in an industry full of far-left progressives. But Twitter is not just for people like me who dwell in liberal cocoons—no, Twitter is also a place for ANYBODY else who shares my opinions exactly,” the billionaire tweeted.
“Please know that at Twitter we’re committed to increasing the collective health, openness, and civility of public conversation, by banning everyone who disagrees with our progressive religion,” he said, confirming the joy he gets out of “disappearing” users who do not buy in completely to his worldview.
“We thank you for continuing to use our product, letting us monetize you while we proceed to steer culture ever leftward,” he added in a follow-up tweet. “Now retweet this or you will be permanently banned from Twitter.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.