Dating in 2024 isn't the same as it was in generations past. Why? Your date might be one of those transgenders. Surgical advancements and breakthroughs in hormone therapy have made it more difficult to know if you're dating a male or female than ever before.
Don't worry! The Babylon Bee is here to help you determine your date's true gender with the following list of signs to watch for:
- She picked a restaurant in 5 seconds: No woman can accomplish this feat.
- She ordered a ribeye and a Guinness: Nice order… SIR.
- She works as the U.S. Assistant Secretary of Health: Oh no! Your date is Admiral Rachel Levine!
- She just wants to chill, smoke cigars, and name obscure running backs: Enjoying a Padrón and throwing out names like "Tim Biakabutuka" isn't any woman's idea of a good time.
- Her chest is hairier than yours: You can tell even though she isn't wearing a low-cut blouse because it's sticking out the neck hole.
- She won a gold medal in the men's decathlon at the 1976 Olympics: As impressive as this accomplishment is, that ain't no lady.
- She tries to seduce you by burping the alphabet: Any woman would score major points with this, but everyone knows that isn't going to happen.
- She says she has a doctor's appointment on Thursday for a prostate exam: We're not biologists, but we're fairly certain women don't have prostates.
- She can watch a movie without asking any questions about the plot: Only a man can follow the plot of a movie that well.
- She's currently peeing at the urinal next to you: RUN!
If you notice any of the signs listed above, it's a near guarantee that you're on a date with a dude. Politely excuse yourself, leave the restaurant, and pretend like this date never happened.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
