With accusations flying of war crimes on the high seas, you may find yourself asking: what really constitutes a war crime? Let us help unpack this complex issue and break down what does and doesn't make someone a war criminal:
A soldier using more than one bullet: WAR CRIME. Shooting a gun a second time is why the Geneva Convention had to happen.
"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney: WAR CRIME. Straight to gulag.
Bioengineering a virus in a Chinese lab that kills millions and shuts down the entire world: Nah, it's cool.
Microwaving fish in the office break room: WAR CRIME. Call in Franklin!
Assassinating political leaders you disagree with: Not a crime. Brave and stunning.
Paragliding into a festival and kidnapping, murdering women and children: Nope. A peaceful act of resistance.
Having great jeans: WAR CRIME.
Killing 6 million Jews: Not a war crime. Just boys being boys.
Converting the East Wing of the White House into a ballroom: WAR CRIME. We demand blood!
Putting pineapple on pizza: War crime, peace crime, spiritual crime, everything crime.
Hitting Patrick Mahomes on his way out of bounds: WAR CRIME, death penalty.
Air dropping food to help the civilians of the country that invaded yours: WAR CRIME. People having to walk several yards to retrieve a food crate is dehumanizing.
Snapping half of all organic life out of existence: Not a war crime. It's called going green. Educate yourself.
Killing an enemy combatant, then putting a Santa hat on him and writing "NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN HO-HO-HO" on his sweater in his blood: Totally awesome but, yes, technically a war crime.
We hope these key examples give you a good grasp of the war crime concept. Think we missed any important examples? Let us know in the comments below.
These friendly Christian extremists have gotten out of hand.
