INDIA — In a brutal response to the killings in Kashmir, India retaliated against Pakistan by scamming their foes out of millions in Amazon gift cards.
According to intelligence reports from the area, India activated several strategic call centers within minutes after the attack, launching a ruthless attack against gullible Pakistanis by asking them to pay their leftover utility bills, unpaid bank statements, and overdue taxes with Amazon gift cards.
"It'll take a few days to finish assessing the damage, but the initial reports sound pretty gruesome," said Mark Burnet, a CIA analyst. "The millions lost to the Pakistani economy may never be recovered...just like the numbers of those Amazon gift cards."
Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi said that his country is willing to escalate, if Pakistan continues its belligerence. "This is only the beginning," warned Modi. "We have many other measures to inflict damage on our foes. If you'd like to know what they are, please send an Amazon gift card for $1,000 to the following email address: [email protected]."
At publishing time, India had been accused of biological warfare after sending Pakistan 23,000,000 gallons of their spiciest Chicken Tiki Marsala.
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