For the first time in American history, the son of a sitting President has been convicted of felony charges and faces up to 25 years in prison. So, what will happen now to that rascally crack addict? Here are the nine next steps Hunter will go through in the legal system:
Finally get his gun and crack back now that the trial is over: Phew!
Post $1 million bail with one piece of original artwork: They're worth a fortune in Ukraine.
Await sentencing at beach house while playing video games with his best friend Crackhead Steve: Aw, Steve.
Strip-search upon entering prison will be livestreamed on his GoPro: Not again!
Meet his new cellmate, Donald J. Trump: Welp, this is awkward.
Start a cooking show called Simmer In The Slammer: Such a creative talent.
Decide if he would like conjugal visits from Russian hookers or his brother's widow: Decisions, decisions.
Remain stuck in prison after his dad accidentally pardons Beau instead: Come on, Joe!
Will finally walk free when Trump assumes the presidency and all the sad things come untrue: It can't come soon enough.
As you can see, his experience will be just a tad different than former President Trump's. Good luck, Hunter!
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
