DENVER, CO — In a stunning ruling just before the end of the day that veered away from any legal precedent, the Colorado Supreme Court overturned the criminal conviction handed down to Hunter Biden just this morning.
The court unanimously ruled that the conviction was made in error and vacated the judgment, wiping the guilty verdict off the books and making Hunter Biden an innocent man despite the fact that the Colorado Supreme Court had no jurisdiction over the case.
"The Colorado Supreme Court strikes again," said legal analyst Professor Blake Rumsey. "Though the case was tried in Delaware, the Colorado Supreme Court once again affirmed itself as the highest court in the land. Without standing, of course. But as we've all come to learn, all legal judgments go through Denver. If it doesn't pass the Colorado Supreme Court's test, then it's dead. Nice try, feds. Better luck next time."
Though the Colorado Supreme Court issued no official statement regarding its overturning of the Biden conviction, court insiders provided insight. "Yeah, the judges didn't really know what the case was about," one source said. "They just saw that his last name was ‘Biden' and that he's a Democrat. That was enough for them to throw out this morning's verdict. Now, every court in the country will be forced to abide by the ruling. It is the Colorado Supreme Court, after all."
At publishing time, the Colorado Supreme Court was also rumored to be in deliberation about overturning the 2016 presidential election and installing Hillary Clinton as president, effective immediately.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
