WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a breaking and historic vote just moments ago, the House of Representatives voted to make Mike Pence the next president of the United States.
If approved by the Senate, the vote would remove Trump from office and install far-right religious zealot Mike Pence.
Democrats across the country criticized their leaders in congress for the reckless act, with many protesters gathering on Capitol Hill to scream at the sky as the impeachment articles were voted on. Many on the left worry we are now living in The Handmaid's Tale, as there's no telling what kind of theocratic fascist ideas Pence may implement as soon as he's sworn into office.
Pence thanked Congress for the honor, though he said he'd prefer to remain in the shadows, just kinda being there and ticking everybody off by not really doing anything of importance.
Sadly, the Senate is expected to turn down the bill, with Mitch McConnell saying Pence is "a swell guy but he's no Trump."
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.