AKRON, OH — The Perry family made their annual appearance at Oak Hills Birthing Center this week, getting their punch card stamped for the sixth time -- and now they're just one more stamp away from getting a free delivery, according to sources.
The Perrys started working on completing the loyalty card just five or six years ago and are excitedly anticipating their free delivery next year.
"Ah man, just one more and we get it free!" said father Dole Perry excitedly as he produced his card for the staff, who greeted him by name and showed him and his wife to their reserved delivery room. "I knew all my, uh, hard work would pay off!"
Oak Hills introduced the loyalty program ten years ago to increase insurance claims, and Catholics, homeschoolers, and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (there's gotta be a shorter way to say that) all have taken advantage of the program.
At publishing time, Mr. Perry had misplaced the card, meaning the family will have to start over.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
